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July 13, 2009

I woke up this morning and I asked myself,"What shall I do with my life?". I stood up and begun to arrange my bed sheet, pillows and my blanket. Still the idea kept on flowing through my mind. I went out to let the people know I am awake. I checked the time to ensure that I am not going to be late. I was about to take a bath still, I could not take it of my mind.

Last night, I was in a conversation with my beloved. I said I wanted to go to Paris. He said, time will come and you will pursue that, determination will get you there. "Determination?", I asked "It's not going to happen." He replied," That's exactly the way of thinking that will hinder you!" I begun to explain my side. "I mean, of course I do love Paris, but I only want to go there because of the movies I've seen. But more than that, its worth nothing to me. To spend my time, effort and determination for something that would not satisfy me would be a waste." It was at this point that I questioned myself, if so, then what do I really want? I never expected that the idea would stay would me even after I slept.

So anyway, I was in the jeepney and I met a classmate. We were not very much acquainted but I knew stuff because we talked earlier on that month. He was having a hard time at school because his so called friends were condemning him. But hey? who am I to judge. He had the same situation as mine when I was in high school. School has been a terrifying place for him. I could really relate at this point on. He was absent the whole week prior this day. I told him, friends come and go, but education is something we do not take forgranted. Remember, once we fail, that would mean we would have to repeat another year. You and your friends may or may not be in good terms, but let not your education be ruined just because of this. I was actually taken a back on what I said. I usually hated school and would not mind at all when I absent myself. It was like I was teaching myself a lesson by telling him not to skip classes.

When silence took over the conversation, my mind was no where to be found. I was lost in translation. I was back on the question. I realized that what I am only looking forward to in the future is a well designed, if I can say so myself, kitchen! Pathetic as it may seem, but it is true. Three lights of color white hanging from above, a curve cement that serves as a lavatory (deep enough for the water not to splash back), chopping board (can be replaced) and an empty writting space ( where the tray will be placed or perhaps my children would occupy if I am cooking) ? tiled with color green and with cabinets below, these would be the style of my own kitchen. That's it, I have nothing more in my future. This was actually what I got from watching Travel and Living(tv show).

I finally arrived at school and I was preoccupied with school matters.

One of my friends was not talking to me. It has been quite a while. I tried doing something about it, but then I just gave up. Things like these happened often. It was not really a great shock to me that it will repeat it self. I continued on concentrating to what was the matter at hand.

Finally, the bell rang. End of classes for me and begin the celebration of my high school bestfriend's birthday. I met up with one of them, but sadly the celebration was cancelled because the celebrant was sick to death. So, I was left with my one of them. We headed for town to prepare the gifts then we ate. During the eating session, I told her about my morning thoughts. She was gesturing, "whoa!, what some very big thoughts!". I enjoyed my conversation with her. We talked about alot and I mean a lot of stuff, from the break-up with my second relationship to giving to the realizations we have from time to time.

After the talk, I could still not answer the question. As one of my colleagues said "It is a question that only time will unveil."

After everything, I ended up writing this.